11/26/2007

Living a Lie

“Sorry”, he said.

“No, I won’t accept it. You can do all the wrongs in this world- and say sorry? How can you do this to me?”

“I’m sorry”, he repeated. “It was silly of me to say something like that. I thought it would be fun, that’s all”.

“YOU ARE A LIAR!” she cried. “Everything you say is a lie. Don’t talk to me!”

“But…” he started some feeble self defense- cut short by cries. He wondered, and decided to console her; his hands moved forward, only to be pushed away.

“Go away!” she cried.

He left.

Without uttering a word.

Years flew by. He tried to reconcile a few times, but she didn’t pay attention. He tried to move ahead, but that guilt- of disturbing the peace of someone who was special to him- and the humiliation- never left him.

It all started with 3 words. Had he managed to say whatever he had planned to say, it wouldn’t have made such a mess of his life. But he didn’t. All that he managed was “I Love You”.

She gave him a look of contempt, as if she was saying “I didn’t expect this from you… why are you doing this to me?”

He wanted to say “these are my feelings, pal. You need not give me a reply; I’m not asking you to reciprocate. All I want is to see you happy.”

He stared her instead.

She went back to her room. He started to wonder if he did something wrong. After contemplating the matter for hours, he realized that the mistake was his; he was responsible for the mental torture that girl was going through.

His feet didn’t tread the road to hostel that day. His body was low on C2H5OH. A considerable amount of money poorer in a matter of hours, he called the girl. After explaining his condition (and receiving some admonishments-and sympathies) She asked: “do you love me?”

He waited for a second. “No”, the reply was confident. He never thought he could lie with such conviction. “I was joking this morning”.

And that was just a beginning of a series; whenever something came up between them, he lied. He had to; otherwise she’d be unhappy again. He didn’t want to lose her company.

Everything seemed normal; they used to talk for hours as before, he joked around… all well.

He got a call one morning. “Where were you?” came the question.

He had few problems with breathing- after all, asthmatic smokers aren’t the healthiest bunch.

“Went to doctor”, he said. “I have small lumps in my lungs it seems- he says it might be cancer”.

The day was April one.

She sounded panic stricken. “What the Hell!” she cried. “Are you serious?”

He gave the facts to her, except for the fact that those were cough lumps, and any ordinary cough syrup would cure them in less than 12 hours. April one means pranks, right?

“Ok…” and the call went dead.

He saw her in front of the temple after 2 days. She was with her friend, and he accompanied them-as usual. Within minutes, that friend remembered some important work; we were left alone.

His attempts at jokes didn’t amuse her. Strange, he thought. She always laughed at his jokes- or if they weren’t up to the mark, gave him THAT look. It was neither.

“What happened? This seriousness doesn’t look good on you.”

“I never thought you’d say such heinous things to gain my sympathy. I thought you were a good guy. You are all the same: LIARS”.

He didn’t understand. His tries to understand what the matters were met with “Don’t act as if you are innocent! I am ashamed I was your friend.”

“I was joking. Pal. Please try to understand..”

“you can’t say a single word truthfully! You’re Disgusting!”

“Give me an opportunity to explain..”

“And listen to lies again? I don’t want to talk to you.” She started to cry.

He could have replied in hundred different ways. none seemed appropriate.

“Sorry”, he said.

No comments: