Free time

Someone asked me recently, "what do you do in your free time?"

I listed off quite a few activities: Going on long rides, reading, cooking...

I don't know whether the person was OK with my answer, but when I thought about it later - I wasn't.

I HAVE to go on long rides. I HAVE to read. and it so turns out, I HAVE to cook, too. Whether I like it or not.

I do like them, of course, but what enjoyable thing have I done in the past few months that I really did NOT have to do?

None comes to mind.

And somehow that makes me feel guilty.

Of not living. Of not being able to prioritize stuff. Of not being true to what I want.

Life has become a checklist of sorts, a series of activities I need to finish before I can live 'Happily ever after'.

And being this clinical makes me a lot more irritable, and affects the ones who are close to me.

If you are reading this, My dear ones, I'm sorry. I will be a better person soon.

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